Cannibal Ate Six Jehovah Whiteness, 23 Pizza Delivery Men And 2 Postmen In Seven Years.

A community ‘cook’ has been arrested after finding butchered body parts and “large quantities of ground meat” mixed in with an “aromatic blend of spices” in his garage.

Ivan Fedorovitch Yanukovych, who would often throw barbecue parties has been found to be a cannibal is alleged to be responsible for the disappearance of about 31 people.

The 53-year-old was approached by police officers after his neighbours complained of late night chainsaw noises coming from his house and seeing him covered in blood. When the police arrived they found him butchering a dead body whilst marinating large quantities of ‘minced meat’ with scented spices.

Upon further interrogations, Ivan revealed that he had killed a few Jehova Witnesses, a number of unsuspecting delivery men and postmen. Executive Assistant Chief Buchanan from the Houston Police Department says officials have in custody over 700 pounds of “unidentified meat” collected from four freezers belonging to Ivan and which is presumed to be of human origin.

Executive Assistant Chief Buchanan Executive Assistant Chief Buchanan

According to members of the community, this came as a shock to them because Ivan has always been an inclusive party of their community. Ivan lives with his mother, Anastasia Z. Yanukovych, aged 93 and also rents his house basement to a local student.

One neighbour reportedly said, “Never suspected he was a mass murderer. He would often invite all the neighbours to watch football at his house and host large barbecues for everybody and was super friendly.”

According to a local YMCA administrative revealed to reporters that Ivan also worked on their fundraising committee as the organiser of their yearly spaghetti dinner.

Ivan did show remorse for killing the deliverymen and postmen but not for killing the Jehova Witnesses. Apparently, he found them annoying and wished he had killed more of them.